Dumped by Dolphins

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That day was so damn hot, I had sweat dampening my cleavage literally five minutes after I set foot out of the car. Not a common occurrence here in Northern Ireland I have to say, but I wasn’t going to complain because it gave me the chance to break out my teeny tiny shorts and a little glitzy bikini top. Oh yes, I was strutting my stuff to the best of my ability on the rocky, cow turd strewn path down to White Park Bay.

He grabbed my hand and then squeezed my bum as we stepped onto the beach. I giggled and kissed him, then breathed a deep lung full of humid ozone filled air.

‘Oh my God! Don’t you just love the ocean Will?’

He nodded and grabbed me by the waist, his long hair flying around his slightly sunburnt face.

‘You should put that camera in the rucksack,’ he said, frowning at my Nikon that was now digging into both our chests.

I laughed. ‘What? And miss the opportunist shots? That’s how you get the best ones.’

He let go of me to empty his shoe of sand. ‘Happen, the only shots you’ll get on this beach are of water and those smelly cows over there.’

His dismissal of the beauty surrounding us saddened me. I turned to look at the shaggy beasts wandering the sands, some with horns, some with paltry udders, some even with little calves tottering about within the security of the herd. Almost feral in their nature, they nibbled seaweed and sometimes stood in the frothy surf or the stream that traversed the hillside and bled into the sea. They watched us from afar as I knelt and photographed their simple lives. Behind me Will was calling.

‘Look,’ he said, holding out a feather. ‘What do you think it’s from?’

I looked into his face, full of smiles and a sudden joy of all that is nature. In that moment my heart decided to imitate a guitar and his theatrics strummed a painful note.

‘Osprey, I think,’ I told him. I turned it over and over in my hand wishing he was the type of man who already knew. Who didn’t have to pretend. Who was just himself.

He took it and threaded it behind my ear then said the most startling thing.

‘Have you any idea how beautiful you are?’

Silly question. Of course I didn’t.

Then he swooped me up into his arms and carried me to the foot of the dunes. I laughed at his breathless randomness. I wanted to see more of this.

‘You’re mad,’ I told him as he set me down.

‘Mad for you,’ he said with a congruence I wasn’t expecting. Before I could say anything he was bruising my lips with a kiss of such force it could have served as a pestle and mortar.

‘Will! Calm…’

I stroked his face. Our eyes met. Hunger was present in both of us. God’s he was a good looking man.

I allowed his palms to wander. Breasts cupped. Abdomen gentled. Hair fisted.

And then he lowered my trousers and underwear.

Over his broad shoulders I looked at the sea and imbibed the heaven of both his fingers and the silvery blue. My body stiffened and his efforts became more frantic. I was close and ready to reach my zenith. But just as those tell tale arcs of electricity fired down the backs of my legs and into my toes, I opened my eyes and saw…

‘Will! Dolphins!’


I abandoned him and raced down the beach like a crazy woman, leaving Will pulling up his pants. Camera clicking I captured footage of the most amazing cetacean acrobatic display I’ve ever witnessed from European shores. I almost came with excitement. They leapt. They spun. They flowed like water itself, shining like moving statues of gold in the sunlight. When I got back to Will I was almost crying with happiness but he…he was absolutely not. He looked uneasy. Awkward. Maybe even pissed.

‘Look I’m sorry I did that. Just ran off at that pivotal moment. But oh my God! Did you see them, Will? I think I got really great photos. I can’t wait to check.’

‘Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely, it was great,’ he said.

We tried to make a joke about it.

‘I have to say, I’ve never been ditched for a dolphin before,’ he said.

We laughed and walked back to the car but he was surly the rest of the way home. I learnt that day that our differences were too great for us to be compatible and that I need a man that has a bit more substance. So Will alas, was dumped – all on account of a pod of dolphins.

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