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I’m not sure where to begin. This is one of the harder stories to tell. I suppose the best and the worst thing about Jarvis was that he was a secret. He was my place to run to. My shelter when everything in my life had gone to hell. Now that he had deserted me there was no one there to share my loss with. No one even knew he existed except me.
No one knew I was quietly going mad, in the knowledge he was preparing to move back in with her. I had finally found the limit of my endurance. I could not go on any longer.
The rain beat down heavily on the day that I finally flipped. I remember it well, how it beat against the windscreen obscuring my view.
“Jarvis! Jarvis!” I cried, hammering the steering wheel with my fist. I shouldn’t have been driving. But I had to get away. The children were being harmed by my constant crying. It was better that I left now and got it out of my system.
I tried to call him as I swerved through the country lanes. But he didn’t want to hear from me anymore. Recriminations were not his cup of tea.
“Hi! This is Jarvis Nichols. Please leave your message after the tone and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks.”
Beeeeep.
“This is Sam. Please call me. I want to hear your voice one last time. Please Jarvis.”
Suddenly I realized I was on the wrong side of the road. A car was heading straight for me honking its horn. I pulled over with seconds to spare. That was not how I intended to go. I wanted to hear him first. I needed to know if he had a conscience.
How could he do this to me if he did?
I managed to make it to the Ramada hotel at Shawsbridge without further incident.
“A double room please for one night,” I said to the girl at the desk.
She smiled sweetly and found me a vacant room.
“That will be ninety pounds please. Paying by card?”
I nodded and entered my credit card then picked up my key.
“Enjoy your stay!” she called out after me.
She wasn’t to know I had left a note on the back door step telling my parents that they would need to take care of the children for a while till I could sort myself out. I needed some time alone, I told them. Little did they know what I had in mind.
Now I’m not the biggest whiskey drinker around. But that wasn’t really why I had bought it. It was to serve as an anaesthetic. The pain had to stop. I had to let it out.
I downed several big gulps neat then tried to ring him once again. I could picture him and his wife, the family, and their happy reunion. Why couldn’t he have just left me alone? Or better still, why couldn’t he have been faithful to me? All those things he had said. Like a gullible fool I had just swallowed them up, believing every word.
He had made me see myself in a different light. Since knowing him I felt I had grown a foot taller…
“ How could you do this to me?” I screamed down the phone. The whiskey was really kicking in now. “How could you do this to me and you haven’t even the decency to fucking call? What sort of person dumps someone via Twitter? You are not the person I thought you were. Shame on you Jarvis. Shame on YOU.”
Wherever he was he must have had a bad signal. He tried to call but got cut off. I got the impression from the few words I managed to make out that he wasn’t terribly happy. He called again a few minutes later and my heart leapt, vulnerable with hope.
“What’s going on?” he cried.
“I might ask you the same question! How could you move back in with her after everything you told me? That bitch doesn’t deserve you! I’ve given you my all!”
“SHE IS MY WIFE!” he yelled in a fury I will never forget. His words hit me like a freight train. I will remember them till my dying day. I sank to my knees like a broken thing and simply wept a river.
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